Rolling Down.

First attempt on Poetry.

Fell through pores and destined to run,
landed on a forest and I rolled in joy,
that went past as time ran elusive and,
reached a steep rumpled ridge and temple.

It pulls me down to the ravines of lushness,
‘It’ – they called gravity – I submitted the ‘I’,
It assured my run to find roots of unknown – me,
It ensued my path through bridge and caves.

Lost in the rugged path – friends in woe,
and mend with ‘I – the restless sole’,
adrift in me – dreams of hordes – to run to know,
through bushes that tasted the tears of ground.

Beats of drum that frissons my form,
through path that bobbed like vessel in tide,
Deeper the ‘I’ went warmer I felt Him,
and made my love with the Lord of the love.

Hanging at the tip of that warm sagging log,
awaiting the imminent fall towards sublimity,
I sharpen my ears to the words of wisdom
– that sprout in Him;
”Every Man has a right to a Saturday night bath”.

and I fall – off words !

Picture Courtesy -

Picture Courtesy –


Nagavalli, to fantasize about.

Manichitrathazhu series #2 : Firing my Imagination.

          I ponder upon the reason why Nagavalli imprints her enigma in millions of movie fanatic minds across the nation. Why we breathed her in, tasted her sweat that drenched her attire, feared her continually averting eyes that searched for Sankaran Thampi? As the movie slowly progressed towards the end, it was the viewer who got possessed by the exceptionally eerie visuals. Through many a brilliant shot and the narrative brilliance of the writer, Nagavalli was slowly instilling into the viewers mind irrevocably. Its a rare happening that a movie character (Ganga) and all viewers get possessed by another character (Nagavalli). This is the reason why Nagavalli became a glorified wandering soul with flesh and bone, and Ganga is personified as a typical humanoid figure.

          Even if we were at the brim of getting possessed by the character we hadn’t danced or crooned as Nagavalli, but still, as an after effect, some souls would have carried Nagavalli deep in their mind even after the movie fades into credits. One such abnormality I’ve noticed in myself is that, I always got carried away by a brilliant shot which shows the fervor in which Nagavalli ran though the secluded corridors of the Mansion. When Dr. Sunny and Nakulan rushed in to find Ganga missing from her room, they get stumbled upon the clothes stripped off by Ganga/Nagavalli on the floor. A second of sheer brilliant frame was enough to show the complete transformation of Ganga to Nagavalli very effectively. It is not sure whether she had done it on her way to thekkini or not. But I always tried to fantasize about her, running nude, fervently climbing the stairs to thekkini.

Dr. Sunny and Nakulan shocked to see Ganga's stripped off saree.

Dr. Sunny and Nakulan shocked to see Ganga’s stripped off saree.


Ganga's saree on floor.

Ganga’s saree on floor.

I fluttered in my Imaginative realm..

‘She strips off every piece of cloth that did not belong to her (Nagavalli). She then wears her skin as the attire. Her mind is delicate as the drooping voluptuous curved flesh hidden beneath it. She is as strong as the bones that give her shape. She kept busy her leg in task of following the other, climbing each step fervently, muttering her enemy’s name. Her big bosoms and buttocks were bouncing and dancing to the music composed by the anklet-bell she was wearing. Hair strands got tightly glued by the sweat running through her bare back. The sindoor she wore in the parting of her hair got mixed with sweat forming blood like stain on her forehead. It flows down her cheeks. She has bloomed into a ‘vivaciously lustful’ critter thirsting for sap and flesh !’

Nagavalli climbing stairs to thekkini nude - Artist's impression. (Click to enlarge the image.)

Nagavalli climbing stairs to thekkini nude – Artist’s impression. (Click to enlarge the image.)


The space that the director deliberately left forces the viewers to imagine their own version, thus Nagavalli attains sublimity in the subliminal consciousness of the percipient. The pleasure of such wild imagination make viewers crave to experience the brilliantly made movie, again and again.

Once a wise man said..

Once a wise man said, find the demon in you and tame him.


(Click to enlarge the image.)

(Click to enlarge the image.)

He started it like a story..

          You were alone.. alone in darkness. In pitch black, you saw a light, far end. You ran hard, as fast as you can, you started to ‘Hope’ ! You reached the physical, conscious realm (or not). You were born ! You were not alone, you befriended a demon – Hope.

          But things were even worse than before, everything seemed different. You thought darkness was even better. You realized how treacherous this world was. You were confused and dejected. You were like Arjuna in Mahabharata. Then came the saviour, a true demonic companion of hope ! He became a close friend of you, he encouraged you, he was ‘Trust’.

” It is not the strongest of species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is one that is the most adaptable” – so you became a social being. You then got acquainted to a new demon, the most infectious one, ‘Love’.

Time passed, you remembered the good old days in darkness. You thought, what made you run? Why were you still lifeless even though you breathed? You realized, you were still in gloom and you yearned for a light far away. You started to ‘Dream’. You resurrected ! Like the Son of God.

You are now here, growing, running closer to your dream.

He then looked into my eyes. I’ve noticed an eerie feeling in it. I felt the darkness that clouded my soul, I saw it through his eyes. He continues..

There is someone you haven’t met yet. There is a villain in every story. He has no decency and shows no mercy. He lurks in the most safest place, and will wait for the perfect time for an ambush. After you find that you were in his point blank range all your life, you will beg him for mercy.

          You will then realize your enemy is indestructible, because he is ‘WITHIN’ you, in the darkest corner of your mind! He grows with you. He is as strong as you. He infects your mind like a virus, slowly progresses and incapacitates your body. Your brain may fool you. You make rash decisions. This enemy takes control of you! He is calm, slow. He becomes vicious when your anxiety and doubt meets your imagination. He is ‘Fear’, most ghastliest demon.

You lose everything – friends, dreams, society. You become Forever alone !

You pace towards mid-age, feeling regret, admitting the fact that you could have easily defeated fear at the beginning, but you wasted your time by ‘trusting’ and ‘hoping’. At the very moment you’ve come to realize that your dreadful enemy has become the ultimate reason for your survival! The idea is simple. There is an inevitable, exquisite form of fear – fear of losing something, that will keep you wide awake! You regain your senses.

“It is a strange fact that there is always something you could learn and rely upon even from your enemies!”

You should embrace your demons with ‘Love’, tame them. You should build a strong army with Hope, Trust, Fear and Love. Fight hard, endure and land on the door step of your dream. When the door opens at your knock, you will see yourself adorning the throne with a demonic smile.

        You welcome your old age happily and wait for light at the horizon. One day your eyes fill with a serene gloom, and may see the same old divine light. Run for it, you know you were a good runner even before you were born and still at your deathbed too! But now, to where? To a much higher conscious realm? To become a much paradoxical creation? Whatever it is, as long as the light is there, you will keep on running. And you shall keep on taming your demons for success. To meld with the light, and to ‘Be’ the light-

S A L V A T I O N.

Ganga Psychoanalysed : The Inception.

Manichitrathazhu series #1 : A thesis on Ganga’s ‘Duality!’

Who is Ganga?’ Ask this straightforward questions to any cine lovers in Kerala. They will answer in harmony, – ‘The lady who unlocked the Ornate Lock!’ or ‘the ghastly wandering soul – Nagavalli’. Even after two decades, no feminine character couldn’t even dare to stand against this enchanting enigma. Born in the hands of genius, Sri. Madhu Muttam, brought up in care and love by the Ace director Fazil, being the flesh and bone impeccably by charming muse, Shobana.

Shobana as Ganga. (Click to enlarge the image)

Shobana as Ganga. (Click to enlarge the image)

               There are many a theories about the ‘Ganga-Nagavalli dual personality’ ,found in Internet apart from Dr. Sunny’s Original. Even if Dr. Sunny’s explanation seems legit for the viewers, yet ends up in an ambiguity. ‘What made Ganga to fall for Nagavalli?’ To find and answer, Ganga is Psychoanalysed here (with the limited knowledge I have in Psychology), based on observations after several revisits.

                   Living Ganga’s life is hard for any women, the life she lived in her childhood was onerous. The loneliness she faced has tampered her mind; lived around myth and legends made her tender-hearted and empathetic. Apparently, those days were tedious for her. Chances are that her repeated thoughts of loneliness and about her parent’s leaving might have ended her up in a mental state – ‘Pathological Trance’, which turns into a total Psychological breakdown in adolescence. Later, that got suppressed by medication before her marriage to Nakulan.

Ganga's childhood.

Ganga’s childhood.

“Trance is a state of limited awareness, it is quite natural for human mind to end up in trance. The withdrawal of consciousness from surroundings usually happens with the overload of certain thoughts reverberating in mind. It is caused by the closed loop of limited thoughts. Naturally happens when thoughts are limited and attention become fixed, the fixation alters perception which can create dream states, visions and hallucinations. Long term trances can end up in Pathological Trances which can result in physical or mental diseases. Pathological trance can create illusions which do not exists and cause the failure to perceive what really exists. It can be induced deliberately or with certain inducing factors. “There is an escapists pleasure in remaining in trance”. In my Ganga-Nagavalli theory, I made use of Freudian symbolism of dream interpretation, as the patient (Ganga) suffered from severe hallucinations (which is shown in the climax) in trance state. Manifest part is mostly waking reality and the latent content part is Ganga’s action to what she perceives.”

               If you revisit Ganga’s life, we could find her in the middle of a pool made of books. Most of them can be categorized under loneliness themed. It is proven that a medium such as books have the potential to induce trance. She nurtured it, may be to overcome her pain of loneliness. Even after the marriage with Nakulan, Ganga have been often indulge in the ecstasy of reading.

Ganga reading Kavoottu.

Ganga reading Kavoottu.

               Ganga came to Madampally with her spouse Nakulan, she was welcomed by the pervasive silence. She seems enjoying her solitude, but soon found seeking the company of her books. ‘Kavoottu’ a poetic collection by P. Mahadevan was about loneliness written in first person which is not more that Ganga’s life itself. She embraces every line close to her heart. On reading it in the secluded corridors of Madampally, Ganga might have undergone series of thought processes, ended up in ‘trance’. Through every rereading of the book, being indulged in its ecstasy, Ganga was becoming vulnerable to Pathologies. Moreover her perception altered resulted in making rash decisions. What she perceive can only be explained with relation to symbolism and how urge she was to do those actions.

* * * From Now on I am considering Ganga to be in a Psychological trance induced by the book, her perception and actions are the subject of analysis. * * *

               It was at that time when Ganga asked Alli to find a space to rack up her book, on searching for space in the upper floor, they found a locked room, thekkini and Ganga seems deeply attracted to it. Later she came to know the strangeness of the tabooed room, and the myths associated with it. It didn’t stop her urge, but only amplifies and she manages to make the key duplicated with help of Alli and Chandu. When putting Freudian symbolism on her ongoing trance state, we might find astonished to know Lock and Key represents Coitus. But why was she so urged? This makes her relationship with Nakulan questionable! Wasn’t Ganga sexually satisfied? It would be just a speculation if I make conclusion at this point.

Ganga opening tabooed room 'Thekkini'.

Ganga opening tabooed room ‘Thekkini’.

               Lets drew your attention to an exquisite scene, the scene which made me to write – Ganga entering thekkini for the first time. She climbed the stairs with the key to her desires. She found the lock was bounded by an enchanted talisman, the ‘moral sanity’ to her. With a tinge of scorn on her face she broke it, threw it away. After hurriedly unlocking the door she deliberately put down the key, it implies she could be in a psychic trance. With the creaking of the door, Ganga saw the Karanavar’s bed, and a misplaced sword that might have tasted Nagavalli’s blood, hanging beside Karanavar’s portrait.

            On looking around Ganga finds a room, as her eyes laid on it, a female croons sad verses in Ahiri raga fills the air. From Ganga’s facial expression it is clear that she’ve heard it clearly – an auditory hallucination! Why I said this with shear confidence is that, it is to the same song she sung and dance as Nagavalli in thekkini. So I found it was her subconcious mind who croons. Much to my surprise when I analysed the song I found striking similarity with ‘Kavoottu’!!!

“Oru murai vandu parayo, vasalai nadi varayo,
Darisanam indru tharayo, thogayin ekkam theerayo.”

– Nagavalli’s song of distress

“Varuvanillarum ingorunaalumee vazhikkariyaam athennalumennum,
Priyamulloralaro varuvanudennu njaan veruthe mohikkumallo,
Ennum veruthe mohikkumallo.”

– Excerpt from the Kavoottu

               Both songs reflects hope, sadness and isolation. Indeed it supports Dr. Sunny’s theory that Ganga was sympathetically attracted to Nagavalli. But my theory ends in much more shocking conclusion. Let me get to the point. What made Ganga’s subconsciousness to croon? Of course, Ganga was in trance and her mind seems riveted to the room. “Freudian symbolism for room represents female genital!” Ganga entered Nagavalli’s chamber in fervor. Lost hope and pervasive silence welcomed her. With an awe on her face, Ganga was drawn towards Nagavalli’s portrait. She knew she was alone in a secluded mansion’s haunted room, standing infront of a wandering soul. She seems neither scared nor bewildered. But She ‘orgasmed’ with a smile! Her subconsciousness seems aroused.

Nagavalli - Painting.

Nagavalli – Painting.

               I was doubted above that Ganga was a sexually unsatisfied woman, but a man of Nakulan’s health could satisfy her desires. But what if even Nakulan can’t satisfy her fantasies! Indeed it points solely on a fact that Ganga ‘was’ Lesbian. Let me put it this way. At the beginning of her adolescence, time made changes on her mind and body. She needed a true companion to end her secluded days. It might have ended up with a girl, which later turned out to be her lesbian lover. Her disapproval for going back to Calcutta with her parents might be pointing this, finally resulted in psychological breakdown.

Ganga opening treasure chest.

Ganga opening treasure chest.

               There are further proofs that shows Ganga had lesbian desire. Later while opening a treasure chest she had shown the erotic vibes in her. Treasure chest also symbolizes female genital. More she opened and interacted with Nagavalli’s priceless possessions, more she was satisfying her desires. Dancing, singing and dressing as Nagavalli in thekkini can be interpreted as Ganga’s act of fulfilling her lesbian desire.


In the beginning stages, Ganga was she herself, who just seeks Nagavalli to attain her sexual arousal. Then, how came Ganga possessed by the Nagavalli?
The answer lies in the complexity of her mind. On the first day when Ganga enters thekkini, after she smiled at Nagavalli painting, she saw Nagavalli’s treasure chest. But when she was about to take it sreedevi’s high pitched voice cut through the sheer silence. “Very much to my surprise Ganga’s eye darted towards the painting with awe, her eyes hooked for a second as if she had seen something unimaginable “ What if Ganga saw herself in the Nagavalli’s attire? What if that shock made an impression deep in her mind, that she herself was Nagavalli? That impression was too deep in her subconsciousness which cannot be activated under normal trance. Just before she ran off she seems fully waken up from the Trance. As she ran, fear strides behind her.

Ganga looking Nagavalli's painting awed.

Ganga looking Nagavalli’s painting awed.

               On supporting my thesis, I observed a mirror in Nagavalli’s room. On every scene showing the mirror, it gets cleaner and tidier. It proves the frequent usage of it. What if the mirror acts as a port key to Ganga’s world of erotic lesbian fantasies with Nagavalli. On keen observation you could find more signs supporting my thesis. May be you’ve felt by now that I’m stitching a tale that fills the silence in the original story line. But when reading and interpreting signs in my way, things doesn’t seems absurd. I was forced to conclude Ganga’s suppressed lesbianism made her to fall for Nagavalli. The seclusion, books and Thekkini myth stood as a reason to evoke that repressed emotions. Ganga find wish fulfillment through hallucinations, every auditory and visual hallucinations are Ganga’s repressed wishes, and in the final stage of psychosis it becomes Nagavalli’s.

Mirror in Nagavalli's room.

Mirror in Nagavalli’s room.

“Why Ganga percieved Nakulan as Karanavar?”

“The answer is obvious. Nakulan was the only obstacle stood infront of Ganga’s lesbian desires. Killing Nakulan is an act of wish fulfillment.”

This gives a new dimension on Ganga’s act of being raped by Mahadevan – Alli’s fiance. She might have believed Nakulan could be injured fatally or even got killed in between a brawl with Mahadevan, a last hope. But Dr. Sunny’s intervention made the attempt fruitless and put her into deep dungeon of distress.

Ganga posing like Nagavalli.

Ganga posing like Nagavalli.

               Ganga neither saw herself in Nagavalli nor sympathetcally attracted to her. She was struck by an idea, that Nagavalli was a symbol of despondency, fear and misery. For wish fulfillment her subconscious mind deliberately took Nagavalli as an attire. Literally she was impersonating herself as Nagavalli safely in the shades of Myth. At the same time enjoying her lesbian fantasy while spreading horror. If, she was, then the final theatricality she put forward was a show off to escape from Dr. Sunny’s treatment.

The only question that persists in mind. Imagine if the saga continues, ‘Could Nakulan still be found alive?’


Eagle atop the temple flagpost.

A typical Thrusday eve, the Sabbath day for Vaishnavas. Bliss of sky poured down as heavy rain accompanied with wind and lightning. Nature seems like enjoying every bit of it. The sky doesn’t seem to quit his immaculate love on Earth, she embraces it passionately and let him in!

Inner peace starts dwell my mind as the wind made rain droplets to kiss my face. Umbrella struggles to stay upright against the mightiness of the wind. But I enjoyed a ‘spiritual solitude’ beneath it, fenced by rain.

Lord seems contented, busy; blessing everyone with this inexplicable eve. Yet remained uncanny as always with his stoic expression! The smell of camphor mingled with rain awakens spiritual Euphoria in his Adobe premises. I breathed it in! ‘Soon camphor lost its body, A sublime to Nirvana’!!!

Every mind was lightened up by the firelamp of lord, solely; untouched by the wind and rain. The exception was the frequent coruscations from high heavens! Hence formed luminous was promptly engulfed by the darkness.

A moment of Awe, when lightning unveils the ‘abnormally eerie yet exceptional and blissful’ view which might happen seldomly. King of the Skies, Eagle – Chariot of the Lord, atop the landmark single stone flag post of the temple. What muses me was, the eccentric dauntlesness of the creature, standing (manages to) bipedal on the ‘Perunthachan’ made ‘Garuda idol’, spreading its wings against the mightiness of the wind and not caring about soaking himself. His gutsy movements was like demanding the gusts for more. Literally, Ruling the Sky!

The Gold covered idol and copper roof plates were scintillating in heavenly Flashes with wild enigma, tinged with azure. My mind perplexed but conscious of what Am experiencing, numerous thoughts arise; my eyes thanked every flashes of lightning, hands glued together in devotion. I wished to live in present, cuddle every seconds, as i realize he may catapult himself at anytime. ‘The Imminent Loss’!!!

It happened at the blink of an eye. With the very next lightning, I ‘felt’ vacuum there. But everything remain unchanged, except the minds of lucky ones who witnessed this ‘Mythical reality’! Sky didn’t stop loving earth, wind was still in hurry. And I sketch a picture in mind and saved it for missed ones, with the limited time he gave.

Overwhelmed by his pristine love, I stride the majestic gopuram with gratitude. On leaving, a bird’s eye view of that eve appears my mind. I could only see Lord at horizon in his Supreme form. Sun was about to be blanketed in grey shade. My wings spreads, could feel the wind. Something kept me pulling towards him. With the blink of my eye, I was darted by unknown divinity, cutting swiftly through the wind. In a glance I saw cohort of budding seedlings, germinate; craving to fly high. ‘The Blissful vista’!!!

(A view from SreeVallabha Temple, Thiruvalla)